Dr. Sharon Cohen | Are you ready to date again after a recent breakup?
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Are you ready to date again after a recent breakup?

Are you ready to date again after a recent breakup?

Do you think you’re ready to dive back in or is your recent breakup too recent?

 

How do you know when you’re ready? 

 

Asking yourself three questions will help you assess your readiness.

    1. Are you mentally ready?
    2. Are you physically ready?
    3. Are you spiritually ready?

 

Are you mentally ready?

 

Is your ex really in your rearview mirror?

So many things to consider when jumping back into dating.

 

Are you over it??

 

If you aren’t, it’s not time to date. We’ve all heard horror stories about dates where the person could not stop talking about their ex. You do not want to be that person.

 

So much better to be able to go out on dates and when the inevitable ask of: “When was your last relationship? How did it end?” arise, you can answer with ease and grace. No bitterness and ranting. No endless going on about what he did to you and how it’s all his fault.

 

Even if you think it is all his fault, a relationship is a two-person venture. Consider what was your one percent of responsibility in the recent breakup? You don’t have to talk about that during the conversation with your new date but know in your heart no matter how the breakup occurred, you can accept at least one percent of the responsibility.

 

When you are capable of owning that one percent and are able to look back and see the lessons and the blessings of the previous relationship, that’s when you’re ready to date.

 

Are you physically ready to date?

 

How would you feel going on a date tonight?

 

Do you feel good in your body? Do you like the way your hair looks? Do you have an outfit that you feel rock solid confidence wearing?

 

Men date with their eyes. That’s not to say that your scintillating personality and beautiful heart aren’t important and don’t matter. 

 

However, the old saying “you never get a second chance to make a first impression” holds true.

 

Men are visual creatures and are pleased when they see a woman who they uniquely find visually pleasing. The beauty of it is that each man is looking for something different.

 

Some men love tall women. Some men love fat women. Some men love teeny, tiny women. Some men love wild hair. Others love women who look similar to their family. Still, others love women who look nothing like their family.

 

There’s a lid for every pot, someone’s grandmother once said.

 

As long as you walk in with confidence that you are perfect just the way you are, the right man will see that and love all your beauty and uniqueness.

 

Are you ready spiritually?

 

Are you ready to connect your life with someone else’s for a greater good, for instance, to have a family or run a business together or maybe even to take care of a rescue animal?

 

When you come together as one, joining lives, you give up your independence and become mutually interdependent. If you are sick, he’ll take care of you and vice versa. 

 

You are no longer walking this earth alone. You are part of something bigger and you have to make that part of your mission together. Two individuals living together are merely roommates. When you decide to join lives, create a vision together. Decide on a project together. Do something together that creates that sense of “we’re in this together” that cements your sense of teamwork and couplehood. For some, it’s having a family. For others, it’s building a house. 

 

You do you, together. And no longer will you lie at home by yourself wondering if anyone will even notice if you’d die in bed alone.

 

Are you ready for this kind of spiritual commitment to the relationship? You go eyes wide open into a relationship with another finite, fallible human being who will most certainly do something that causes you pain. You will have misunderstandings, ups, downs, joys, and hardships. 

 

Find joy. Celebrate good times. We had a saying at my house “don’t keep up the huff.” Let the resentments go. They aren’t worth the waste of time. Talk through the things you need to, but holding on to resentment is like trying to kill a rat by you eating the poison. It only hurts you. Another old saying. 

 

So, if you can say that you are mentally ready, physically ready, and spiritually ready to date after a breakup, then it’s time! 

 

If you want some support getting out there in this ever-changing landscape of dating, texting, ghosting and whatever else is going on, contact me now. We’ll get things going in the right direction.

 

And a postscript:

Some advice about breakups. Until you are apathetic about your relationship, meaning you don’t have any anger, sadness or resentment balled up in your body when you think about him, it’s not time to break up because you’ll question your decision, ruminating about it for days, maybe weeks or months. And maybe you’ll go back to the rollercoaster to give it one more ride.

I am ok alone and I look forward to finding the right man for me.

 

Also, I encourage my clients to not to break up until they’re empathetic, which means you’re able to see this man for who he really is. Not an idealized picture of who you want him to be. Flaws and all and you can say “I hope he finds want he needs and it isn’t going to be me.”

 

For instance, I dated a man who drank and smoked weed more than I was comfortable with. I was able to walk away and say, “I love you and I’m not going to marry you.” In my heart, I wish him the best. I hoped he would have a happy, healthy life. And then I detached from the outcome.

 

That allowed me to be open to date whoever showed up.

 

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me now. I’ll be happy to schedule a complimentary 15-minute Love Breakthrough phone consultation with you.

 

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