25 Sep Do you feel discouraged about finding love?
Finding love can feel like a job.
Do you ever feel like giving up on dating? Or the bigger question…do you feel like finding love is out of reach and you want to give up completely?
Like it’s too much work – with getting dressed up, making sure your nails are done, your legs are shaved, your hair is colored, cut, straightened, curled, weaved, extensions are tight – I mean, it’s All. So. Much.
Historically, men have paid for the dates.
And women have put the time and energy (and money) to look good. (and sister…you DO look good!)
I’m not sure men realize how much money goes into looking good. But that’s not the point, although it’s definitely a component.
Because if dating isn’t showing a Return on Investment on all that pre-date preparation, then at some point you may say what they heck am I doing all of this for? #amiright
Maybe it’s not all about the external.
Yes, looking good is important because men pick with their eyes. However, if you don’t change anything about your internal state then no matter how good you look on the outside, nothing will change. You will continue to attract the same emotionally unavailable or geographically undesirable men you’ve been attracting.
When your internal state isn’t vibrating at a high level, when it isn’t saying you are ready, you won’t attract men who are ready because the message you’re sending out indicates you aren’t ready.
When you change your internal vibration and your message says “I’m open and available to a long-term relationship that’s a forever kind of love” then that will radiate out from you.
Suddenly, the men who see you AND the men YOU see will be relationship-minded men.
And the interesting thing that happens then?
You will be tested. Old boyfriends will come out of the woodwork. They will call or text. They will message you on LinkedIn or Facebook – and it’s up to you to keep your eye on the prize. The relationship-minded man in front of you who is stable, loving you and ready to adore and cherish you, if you remain open to him.
How do you get there? How do you get to the point where you are vibrating at a higher level? Does it take just making the decision to do so?
If that was the case, I would have been married way before 50.
I’d read all the books, articles, magazines, been in therapy, talked to friends – there wasn’t any stone left unturned in my search for love.
However, what I hadn’t found was a mentor or guide to show me what I couldn’t see, what my therapists hadn’t focused on, what friends didn’t know, and what books couldn’t possibly teach me. My mentor gave me individual time and perspective to see what was in my way, specifically. She gave me tools, homework, guidance, and accountability to follow through on things that had I been trying on my own, but may not have had the courage to see through.
Don’t get discouraged about finding love. It’s out there for you. Find your mentor.