16 Jul How to easily attract the “best man for me”
For fans of the Law of Attraction, the answer to “How can I attract the best man for me?” is to focus on the man you want to be with, and the power of our thoughts will turn into reality eventually.
However, in my time working with smart, high-achieving women who are used to going after what they want, I’ve found that when they use that same strategy with men, they miss seeing the red lights or the things they don’t want.
And in doing so, six months (or more) in, they realize that this isn’t the relationship they want or the man they thought him to be.
Not so efficient or effective.
A More Effective Strategy
1. Focus on your “Don’t Wants”
If you believe the Law of Attraction, then it would follow that by focusing on what you “Don’t Want,” you’ll attract a man with all the qualities you want to actually repel.
However, my experience is that if you are not clear with what you don’t want, you’ll be captivated by the shiny objects that you do want. The things you don’t want will come sneaking in under the radar only to be found months in after you are already bonded, attached, and in love with someone who isn’t right for you.
My suggestion is you come up with a list of three non-negotiables of what you don’t want in a man.
For instance, “I don’t want a man who has a problem with alcohol or drug use.”
If this is one of your non-negotiables, you’re going to be paying attention to his drinking and his storytelling differently than if your non-negotiables are “I want a man who has a good job, is social, and cherishes my feelings.”
Oftentimes, the beginning of a relationship involves dinners out, drinks, socializing, and other activities that may include alcohol. If you aren’t paying attention, someone’s drinking pattern could get lost in the beginning and really show up later when the socializing slows down.
Suddenly, you realize he drinks a six-pack every night before dinner and wine with dinner. You were merely drinking socially as part of the getting to know you process. This is more than you bargained for. Now what?
2. When a man has one of your “Don’t Wants” – that’s his last date with you.
These are your non-negotiables, not suggestions.
The reason you come up with them is that they are deal-breakers. You pay attention early on so that you don’t get bonded to a man who isn’t going to be good relationship material for you.
His particular personality and characteristic make-up may work for someone else, but he’s not a fit. This is the efficiency factor. And it’s only effective if you put it into place.
Going back to the example above, if you now pay attention to your date’s drinking patterns and stories, you will often hear themes. Stories revolve around getting wasted, faded, lit, bombed, inebriated, or blacked out and not remembering. He’s laughing and having a good time while telling these stories, especially if his friends are there with him sharing the good times. It all sounds fun. Unless it doesn’t sound fun to you.
In that case, stick to your guns. Know your non-negotiables. Walk away from this very nice guy who “has a good job, is social and cherishes my feelings” and who drinks more than you are comfortable with.
3. Look forward and keep going.
It’s really all about mindset here.
Every relationship and every date have a lesson and a blessing. Never are they a complete waste of time because, during that time, lessons have been learned. And I always hope a blessing can be taken from it, as well. Even if the blessing is “thank goodness, I now know I don’t want to be with someone like that.”
And isn’t that what dating’s all about? Learning what it is you don’t want in a partner so that you can be with the perfect partner for you.
Last words of advice
Focus on your “Don’t Wants” in you as well. Be the person you want to attract. I recently had a client come up with her list of non-negotiables and she admitted that she’s under so much stress that she’s all the things she doesn’t want in a man right now. Good thing is that she recognizes it and she’s working on it.
Be true to yourself. Don’t get confused by your wants when your “Don’t Wants” are staring you in the face. Another man who’s a better fit for you is right around the corner.
Finally, be open, in general. Life is too short and too long to be closed off to all the opportunities that come your way.
Keep your eyes up and open. You never know who’s looking at you. If your head is down looking at your phone, you’ll never see that cute guy who’s been staring at you every time you stop in your favorite coffee house.
He just may be the perfect guy for you.
And you’ll confidently be able to say “this is the best man for me!”