Dr. Sharon Cohen | Long-term Relationship: what's most important to you? | Dr. Sharon Cohen
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How to keep the peace in a long-term relationship

How to keep the peace in a long-term relationship

Being in a long-term relationship is complicated.

Many issues and differences come up along the way that you didn’t see in the very beginning.

Why is this?

When coming together in a new relationship, you come from two totally different taken-for-granted realities. Whatever childhood you had, you had some very specific growing up experiences.

And so did your partner. And, usually, they’re very, very different.

Every day had its own rhythm from the way you woke up in the morning and went to bed at night, to how you ate meals and – very importantly – how you communicated with each other.

And so did your partner. Very often, the two don’t intersect.

What do you want more: someone who loves you or who agrees with you?

Being in a long-term relationship is complicated. What do you want more: someone who loves you or who agrees with you?

When you come together, oftentimes clashes occur over things that clashes may not need to occur over.

But that’s up to you.

When you come to a place where the two of you don’t agree on something, you have a big decision to make.

Do you want to compete with him every single thing you don’t agree on?

Or do you make the decision to let some of those things go?

Which is more important to you?

Is it really critical to you that you agree on every single thing?

The question is if you found a man who’s really loving, caring, and who’s protective, one who takes better care of your feelings than any man before, who’s completely adoring BUT you don’t agree on some issue that is your call to arms – it may be that you’re an activist for some specific cause but somehow that’s not his cause – if you can’t talk him into agreeing with your cause, does that eliminate him from the possibility of being your partner for life?

It’s something to think about.

Because if he takes good care of you in every other way, but you want to fight him on that one issue, then you’ve got to consider…what do you want more: someone who agrees with you or someone who loves you?

I challenge you to think about that.


  • xrelation
    Posted at 08:21h, 01 September Reply

    i think everyone would want someone who loves them instead of seeing that he or she agrees with them or not. love is more important for everyone in relationship.

  • admin
    Posted at 09:39h, 01 September Reply

    Absolutely! Love is more important! Love is more important also than agreeing on every single issue. That’s the bottom line. If you have LOVE and ACCEPTANCE of the other person (accept their rights to be, to do, to feel and to share exactly who they are) – then your relationship is built on a strong foundation. However, love is not enough on its own.

    If you love someone, and you choose to disagree with them on every single issue – especially when you don’t even realize you do it, then doing so will erode the love of the relationship.

    It’s insidious.

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