22 Jul Sandra & Kym Yancey – and the relationship advice that saved their marriage
Receiving relationship advice from one of the most powerful entrepreneurial women in the world and her equally accomplished husband feels like you are peeking in behind closed doors.
First of all, hearing Sandra Yancey speak about business feels like unleashing gusts of winds of courage, simplicity, honesty, and brilliance washing over you.
Sometimes her words sound like bumper stickers you’ve read a thousand times before.
Other times, you’re hearing truth bombs of experience, sophistication, and good old-fashioned horse sense from a woman who’s leading the pack.
So let me start by asking you a question…
Have you ever been at that point in a relationship where you think it’s over?
That “this is it…it’s done, we’re walking away from each other?”
Sandra Yancey, CEO and founder of eWomen Network and her husband Kym have been there.
Sharing some serious, long-lived relationship advice, they talked about how they almost got divorced and made it through.
Had it not been for Kym taking the lead and seeking advice from a relationship counselor when he moved out of the house, they both admitted, they’d be divorced today.
Instead, they’ve been together for almost 40 years.
Despite a mad love affair that started when Sandra was 18 years old, things got tough after they got married and started a family.
When things got bumpy, both of them started to question whether their relationship would make it.
Kym moved out and started to see a counselor to get some relationship advice in hopes of saving their marriage.
Sandra wasn’t feeling as optimistic.
Relationship counselor knows best
After seeing Kym for a couple of sessions, the counselor asked him if he could get Sandra to come in.
Sandra and Kym both showed up at the next meeting. After that session, the counselor decided it was best if she saw them each individually, for the time being.
After a bit of time, both Sandra and Kym decided – on their own and unbeknownst to the other – that they wanted to get a divorce.
Each of them was given one last assignment and told to come to the last session with the assignment completed. The counselor would be there to help them tell the other person that they wanted a divorce.
Both of them showed up for that last session, assignment in hand, ready to have the “BIG” discussion.
The Value of Outside Relationship Advice
But before they went there, the counselor asked them to first go over their assignment.
“Sandra, I want you to start. Would you please read your assignment out loud? I asked you ‘Imagine you are three years out from now. Divorced and ready to start dating. Given what you’ve learned from this relationship and marriage, what would you do differently with someone new?”
Sandra started to list off the things that she would do:
She started off a bit hesitantly, feeling duped by the relationship counselor, and read her list: Well, I’d make sure I put my heels back on even if I was tired when he came home from work. And I’d tell him how much I appreciate all that he does…(and she went on to say all the wonderful things that she had stopped doing for Kym during their marriage).
She looked over at Kym, whose mouth was wide open. “Wow…you’d do that for someone you’ve never met? A stranger? And you haven’t done any of that for me in I-don’t-know-how-long?”
“Kym,” the counselor said, “I want you to read your assignment now.”
And Kym read his list of things that he would do.
OK, well, I would draw a bath for her and tell her how beautiful she is to me and rub her feet when they’re tired…(and he went on to say all the wonderful things that he’d stopped doing for her during their marriage).
And Sandra looked at him and said: “What I wouldn’t do for all that?!”
The realization hit them both – that what they were willing to do three years down the line for a stranger, they could do right here, right now for the person who they fell in love with and with who they already had a history and family.
It was all within their control and they were able and ready to do it for themselves and for the other.
This was the best relationship advice they could have ever received.
They believe that the relationship counselor saved their marriage.
What can you do differently today to save your relationship?