08 Jun What Gives?
To all smart women:
is finding & keeping love hard?
Are you an independent, successful, smart woman? Do you have your life together but you can’t figure out why love and companionship evade you?
“Men don’t like successful women.” Phooey!
Men LOVE independent women who aren’t needy and clingy. Men love successful women who have their own lives. Men love smart women who are capable, competent, and efficient.
What men don’t want is a woman who tells them what to do.
What men don’t want is another mother.
When you tell them what to do, you come across like you are mothering them.
You may not think that’s what you are doing. You may think “come on. Get OVER it. Why is it that HE can tell me what to do but I’m not supposed to tell him what to do?! That’s just more patriarchal BS being thrown out there!”
That may be so.
But tell me this. How do YOU feel when he tells you what to do?
Do you feel like your dad is in the room?
Mmm-hmm. Me too.
I don’t always like it. Although sometimes I ask what he thinks and I appreciate him giving me his thoughts, opinions, plans or ideas. They help expand my vision and perspective.
Wouldn’t it be sad if we held so tight to our point of view that we stopped letting anyone else in? That’s a recipe for loneliness.
Do you have a hard time allowing people into your life?
Are you afraid to open up to love?
If you want to do it, it’s a step by step process.
Step 1. Be open to the process. If you don’t want to be alone or lonely, open up to the idea of receiving love.
Step 2. Get in touch with your body. Start to notice what’s going on with it during the day. Do you have twinges of feelings at different times? Do you feel a tightening in your throat? Does your gut twist up? Do your shoulders hurt?
Step 3. Get a list of feelings from the internet. A number of good websites exist. Some list words in categories. Some are more artistic. The point is to start connecting feeling words to what is going on inside your body.
Also, Louise Hay wrote an interesting book called Heal Your Body. In it, she connects illnesses and aches in different parts of your body to emotional problems. Working with affirmations and visualizations, we can change our thinking and our lives for the better. Which brings us to the next step…
Step 4. Be able to say out loud “I feel angry.” “I feel afraid.” “It was painful for me when you…” “I am happy.” “I appreciate…” Understanding your feelings and being able to verbalize them is HUGE!
Step 5. Be open to expressing your comfort or discomfort to other people or on dates. I teach specific scripts to help lessen the anxiety around this.
You may be asking:
Why do women have to do all the changing?
However, smart women are usually pro-active in seeking advice. Therefore, advice is directed towards us. Also, women are spiritual guides of relationships. Where woman goes, man follows.
Women have an indelible and potent leadership role in relationships. One that should not be taken lightly.
If this is a problem area in your life, you are not alone. Change from being seen as a competitor to being seen as a companion.
Call me today if you want help 949-682-9304. Let’s get to bottom of why you can’t find long-term love and happiness in relationship.