25 Jul What Makes The Perfect Man
A client comes in to see me with her idea of what makes the perfect man for her.
Armed with a list the length of her leg, she starts saying what it is she wants in a man.
“He must be a sharp dresser. I want him to be very comfortable socially. I attend a lot of social functions due to my job. He has to be able to stand on his own two feet in these sorts of situations and shine. I can’t be worrying about him. I want to be able to look over at him and see him having a good time. And I want him to look at me and see me doing my thing. That way when we go home, we’ll both be so much more alive, having experienced each other through the eyes of other people.”
Which TOTALLY works if you are both extroverts…and if you aren’t or he isn’t, this is not going to be a reasonable reality.
And the list goes on.
“I want him to be my equal, if not earning-wise, then at least drive-wise. I don’t know how I could respect him otherwise.”
This article isn’t going to address any feelings or thoughts that might come up for you when reading the “wants” listed here…
However, if you’ve been keeping up with my blog, then you know this woman has missed something really important in her list: Three non-negotiable “Don’t Wants.”
A Case Study
After reading my blog from last week, a client (I asked her permission to write about this) entered my office with a new depth of realization about her “Don’t Wants.” She is now dating a new gentleman so the practicality of coming up with her list of “Don’t Wants” came into high relief.
Some of the things she was adamant about wanting when she first came to see me aren’t so important now.
What she realizes is this man is very nice. They have great conversation and apparently, a blossoming friendship.
What she doesn’t have is a man who is showing her any romantic interest although they’ve been out twice a week for a month. No hand-holding. No kissing.
What she doesn’t have is a man who treats her like a lady or who pampers her and tells her she looks nice or has ever given her a single compliment at all.
What she doesn’t have is a man who looks at her lovingly and cherishes her feelings.
My client is a very smart, high-achieving, career-oriented woman who’s tired of being lauded for her smarts only. She’s lived a life of that. She didn’t feel cherished in her marriage. She thought it was ok at the time because it was all she knew.
Now she recognizes a part of her had shriveled up and died inside.
It’s reawakened now. She has softened and is so beautiful. She radiates joy and liveliness now. She laughs more easily. Her smile combined with a sparkle in her eye expresses her playful nature.
In her marriage, her husband liked her brain. He liked her ability to make a lot of money. He liked how she took care of him.
And he went somewhere else to get his loving, sexual needs met. So that means, she was missing out on receiving her own loving, touching, and sexual needs – for years.
As human beings, we don’t thrive in life when our touch needs aren’t being met.
Seeing my client blossoming over time and reclaim her sexual agency is awesome.
Having her fully realize what her “Don’t Wants” are based on dating an actual man, rather than an idea of what she wants based on an idea or fantasy is tremendous.
Every date and relationship she has or will have offer lessons and blessings. They are rich with information to lead her forward in her journey towards finding what makes the perfect man for her.
Her joy is my greatest reward.
If you want help on your journey towards finding out what makes the perfect man for you and being with him long-term, I would be honored to help you. Please reach out. Write me at sharon at drsharoncohen.com. Let’s schedule a complimentary 15-minute Love Breakthrough Phone Consultation so that you can finally have the love you desire.